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So everything is self or other. When you’re focused on other, many of us, and I think this has happened at, do any of you have or even either felt like you had or had either a parent that was physically abandoning or emotionally abandoning?
Many of us. Now what happens in that phase of our life when we feel like we’ve been physically or emotionally abandoned, is we then make a choice and a decision that there’s a level of shame there, there’s something wrong with me.
So then what we end up doing is we end up trying to change ourself, we end up trying to change our own frame so that we can feel safe. So being an empath many times is a mechanism that we use in order to get our needs met.
And our needs being met may mean that we change ourself, that we can’t say no when someone else wants us to do something, that we allow certain behaviors to happen. And that’s rooted in this old pattern that we’re used to playing in because we haven’t found or recentered ourself back into ourself in a healthy way.
Narcissism is an unhealthy way of expressing the self. And being a people pleaser
in a way or an empath or somebody that can feel other people’s energy, they lose or give away their own center of gravity in order to get their needs met.
Now, narcissists, what they do is they demand, they emotionally, they can emotionally manipulate. They have different tactics to get their needs met. Empaths and people pleasers have their own ways of getting their needs met, and it was a hard thing for me to look at because I had to become aware that my inability to say no and my desire to get other people to like me and to want other people’s validation and approval was a way that I was going about trying to get my needs met.
So one of the things I had to realize, though, is that what I was trying to do in those moments is I was trying to get other people’s approval and validation because I didn’t get the approval and validation for my parents growing up.
And the reason I wanted that to really sink in, because it’s a realization that sometimes these energy patterns we have is we’re trying to find ourself in others. We’ve literally taken on other people’s emotions, other people’s actions, other people’s ways of being, and we’ve internalized it.
We haven’t found the difference between who am I and who are they? And that’s why when it comes to boundaries, an important mantra to remember is that’s your shit not mine, because as an empath, you don’t know what the difference is.
Your friends, you wanna hang out and you don’t wanna hang out, you don’t have time for it? Yet can’t say no because their unhappiness or their unapproval is your emotion. You end up feeling that. Now what this I believe is either narcissism or empaths is it’s rooted in that abandonment from childhood.
The funny thing is that in order to get our needs met, we will go through that, to change ourself, to change our own energy, to get other people to like us or other people’s approval,
we’ve already caused and had the first level of abandonment.
We’ve abandoned ourselves. And that’s what causes us to then change our center of gravity and to be that way around other people. So if I had to learn to do and I had to go through a phase a couple years ago where I started to become aware of this, is I had to stop abandoning myself.
And that was very hard for me to do because I had to start looking and noticing the difference between what’s their stuff, what’s my stuff? And one of the most powerful techniques I’ve learned, I actually learned it from Doug, and that was the frame technique.
How many of you heard me talk about the frame technique? And we’ve kind of already
done it on the first day when we were doing the Om activation, but you literally feel
that, you feel in your body and you feel not just the connection, ’cause as empaths, we’re
already all connected, we’re all one consciousness.
At the same time, we’re also separate. And as we start delineating and feeling the separation between us and other people, what we end up finding is we start noticing
that we can now take responsibility for our own stuff and realize that other people’s stuff is not ours.
Does that make sense to you guys? So, yes, that’s a great question. So she was asking about the balance of being able to assert boundaries and then having the initial response from people, or also asserting boundaries and feeling kind of fiery with it.
There is a phase you may go through as you do start setting boundaries where you almost feel guilty for setting boundaries and you almost resist and you don’t want to be… People pleasers tend to have a challenge stepping into tension.